Names have been removed to spare blushes (honestly, I am too nice sometimes):
hi my name is *** i will love to no if i can do my work X there at the [newspaper title] will u ask your boss for me if i can cal u get back to me plzz asap thank u m8t
The email address was equally great – an abbreviation of the applicant’s favourite football team, with the phrase ‘badboy’ tacked on the end.
When I was a junior reporter, a long-suffering and kindly sub gave me my own spelling book so I could note down and correct my many errors. I suspect even he would be a bit thoughtful at the prospect of tackling this applicant’s shortcomings.